Check in

Facebook sends us all kinda stats nowadays. Interestingly enough, one of the most liked posts I have received was when I “checked in” somewhere. Can’t actually remember where its was, but the most memorable “check in” experience was not when I checked in on Facebook. Its when I “checked in” to life

I have been fortunate to work with some great business leaders that actually “care” more about their staff than they do about their pockets. From my experience, their pockets take care of themselves when they focus on their staff’s growth, development and daily well being. Though this “care” is firm but fair, I have been on the receiving end of tough conversations that has assisted me with accelerated growth; in all areas in life – especially personal and work relationships. 

Just the other day, I had a “check in” experience with a rockstar CEO. I call him rockstar because of the humility that he carries himself with; regardless of his incredible business success and most certainly the humanness in how he spoke to me… genuinely wanting to guide a young man to focus on things that are responsible and have meaning.

The story goes…

With me turning 41 somehow raised a few questions about life. Not sure if it’s something in the water, or the way the earth rotates around the sun. Anyhoo, in steps Rockstar CEO and I ask for some of his time. He clears his schedule and takes me for a coffee and a toasted sandwich.

Long story short…

He summarised the past 15 years of his life with meticulous detail. But somehow the conversation seemed so short but richly dense with information. Definitely too intense for my life to truly grasp the gravity of his experiences from one sitting. I knew I would be making notes, reviewing, reflecting and then slowly with courage attempting to apply these life lessons. However, his conclusion made me realise that I didn’t have to duplicate everything he did. I just had to remember something, the most important thing while doing what I do on a daily basis. And his conclusion: life is not about what you do, it’s who you do it with?

Speechless!

This is one of those times, you just shut up and sit at the feet of wise counsel. Not his money, not his assets, not his reputation in the business world featured in the conversation. It’s who he did all those things with that matters most. The value that he places on humanity on a daily basis is what gives his live meaning and how he has become successful and maintains it. It’s about the journey with people.

So now what?

Beware of wisdom not earned – Carl Jung.

There are no shortcut strategies in life. The space between knowledge and wisdom seems self-evident; just as the difference between being clever and being real is a ‘thing’. These ‘spaces’ critically inform our thinking, speech, choices, eventual behaviours (Pershouse, 2018) and life’s outcomes 

If you don’t understand people, you don’t understand business. People must come first!

Make people a priority in your life. It does matters how you speak with them and treat them. Thats were the most meaning in this life resides.

“Check in” to this life… not just into Facebook.

 

Pershouse, O. (2018). [online] Available at: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/beware-wisdom-earned-owen-pershouse-1/ [Accessed 10 Nov. 2018].

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run FATTY run

to be fat or not to be fat…

Look at him run. Just look at him go! All that running effort and it looks like he is standing still. Oh look… he came last… again.

Yip that was me.

Since I can remember, I was the short little fat kid that competed with last place in any and every race. Last to be chosen for a team sport. Always the ugly friend of the good looking boy at school. Even when I played spin the bottle; somehow that damn bottle would miss me everytime and I couldn’t get a kiss from the hottest girl in school.

What a life!

Thankfully that little fat kid has run 3 x 90 km Ultra Marathons and completed a Ironman and still runs for the joy of it… and got to kiss many many HOT girls. Seems like the fat just fell off me since then?

Ever picked up a pair of spandex, held them high and say to yourself… this my only friend at the moment? Whether you have not, it would be assumed that the other 99% of your wardrobe is currently your enemy.  This is large in part to none of your clothes fitting (we have all been there) and hence spandex steps in and fits like a hand in a glove.

A few days ago a girl asked me a question. If your wife had to pick up 20kgs, would you still want to be with her? This makes it the question all the more interesting because the girl is good looking, a health nut, never misses leg day and presents herself like a million dollars. All impressive!

Interesting question considering that 20kg weighs as much as a bag of dog food. Please know that the weight of dog food is not how I would make my decision!

So I slowly responded and said; your question is based on what society thinks of fat people. Not on the basis of values and morality. Of course she was visibly confused but then again who wouldn’t be. Society wants YES or NO answers. Society wants people to make decisions on the basis of personal looks. How they make you feel! How people stare at you when you have a HOT partner etc etc.

To calm her confusion, I said that being fat is not an issue of being HOT or NOT. It’s a matter of physical and mental health. Without a doubt, when people get into a relationship, we tend to get a little lazy because we are very cozy. I completely get that. However, becoming overweight because you are lazy is a health risk and will definitely place strain on your relationship.

The strangest thing is that just this past weekend my wife and I discussed the issue of weight. I explained to her that should we become overweight, ultimately our health is at risk. It’s got nothing to do with whether I want to still be with her or not. Physically, everything gets harder to do. Walking to the car, walking up stairs and even walking to make natures finest coffee in the morning. Because our physical bodies are taking so much strain, mentally, our brains become lazy too and we start lacking the motivation to do the normal everyday things.

All of this starts impacting the relationship. Woman naturally start avoiding friends and social gatherings. Summer becomes the worst time of year. Going to the beach is considered more like visiting nuclear disaster site. It just won’t happen. From a guys perspective, we just lean back and say: I invested a lot of money in this stomach. A stomach so big that we ask our friends if our zipper is up because we can’t see what’s happening down there.

I would assume (research according to a knee jerk response) that 60% of people never wake up and go: “Yay, today I’m going to eat kale, raw spinach, celery and lick the dew off the leaf of a avocado tree and tomorrow I’ll have lost 5 kgs” Nope, most of the time people make the change because of health scares and sometimes it’s to late.

My wife wouldn’t pick up 20kgs is the correct response. My wife chooses to be a blessing to me and her family through healthy decisions made daily. She considers her health as a priority and understands that poor health decisions become a burden on our relationship… short and long term.

Now we know.

It’s all about healthy decisions and not about being HOT or NOT! Spandex should be your friend in health… not because of health scares.

So just get out there and run FATTY run. And laugh about it! Always laugh!

PS: no one was fat shamed or poked with a stick during the writing of this blog

 

Being right… then being wrong

Don’t be a “dick” about being right when your partner makes a mistake!

All of us has gotten ourselves into a situation that deservedly required a scolding from a friend or loved one.

For guys its generally coming home at an ungodly hour, looking unsightly at that same time while placing the blame on their best mate. At this point, woman have erupted & gone supernova with a raging temper, taking off with new heights; making a Mars landing seem possible.

For girls, it generally (but not always) leans towards spending money on a item of clothing or shoes with the justification that the R2000 spent was all on sale. Men at this point, are left breathless with confusion as how many pairs of shoes can a woman wear? Right now all of us are smiling because we have all done this at one stage or another.

The response from our partners would generally be a negative to say the least. Both men & women tend to highlight the obvious wrongful behaviour and slowly start character assassinating their partners. This would carry on for the reminder of the day; screaming & shouting and lip syncing the most horrible words to the person we say we love. Once both parties reconnect, so much was said, that neither of them remember what the argument was about, while the damage remains.

And that… is why being right can make you wrong!

Let me explain…

Fundamentally, people forget that the only things we can take responsibility for is: 1) for what we say, 2) and for what we do. Far too often I hear people say; “yeah but they made me do so and so” or “because he/she said that, what else could I respond with”. These responses seem plausible but utterly misguided and have ruined many relationships.

Consider this… a sober person was arguing with a drunk. Who is the fool?

When we as humans start considering more about how we speak to one another than how we deliver a justified message, the world will be a better place. Far too often partners are justified in their message but they make themselves wrong through the delivery of that same message!

Is it really necessary to state the obvious through screaming and shouting and then  we character assassinate our partners when they are wrong? Of course it isn’t! But then why do we keep doing it? Our partners are just as prone to mistakes as ourselves. Making a mistake for anyone is hard enough, so why keep piling on the pressure? Im not saying to gloss over your partner’s poor behaviour, but don’t be a “dick” about it!

I live by the value of forgiveness. When anyone, regardless of fault, says “I am sorry”, I forgive them. It releases me from any anger & helps them back onto their feet to try again. Basically, reaching out a hand to help them get up, while touching their hearts to keep standing!

Next time our partners let us down, be kind in word, be sensitive in the tone and remember the purpose is to lift them up afterwards! The delivery of the message is always more important than how justified the message you is to you!