Back to the Future

Dont try change your partner

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Back to the Future

1985 was the year that Hollywood frustrated the hell out of every kid with one movie; Back to the Future. I’ll get into the detail of the frustration later. The story is about Marty Mcfly;  a teenager who has a crazy scientist friend; Doc Brown. Travelling backwards and forwards in time over 3 movies.

So why the frustration?

In 1985 I was 8 years of age. You were about (insert age here)

The Nike shoes, the hoverboard, flying cars, fancy smancy everything and while changing things in the past & future. All the things any kid would desire. If I have lost you, you probably were not 8 years old in 1985. So to get up to speed, go and watch the movie to recap.

Anyhoo,

Who wouldn’t want to change things in the past? Imagine what (insert name here) would get up to with a time machine? Don’t even get me started with what I would change!

One thing I would not try and change is… my partner!

I learnt a hard lesson when I was 24 years old. I met a girl on a summer holiday down at the coast. What a party! Came back home and turns out she lived down the road from me. We started dating and the fun was short-lived. I acknowledge it was because of me. Insecurity crept in and what used to be fun… fizzled out like a rainy sunset. Just before it all ended, she asked me a question that becomes a life lesson today. “What happened to the JP I fell in love with?” 

Do you recall the “insecurity” I mentioned earlier?

What I meant to say was… I tried to change my partner? Generally speaking, our insecurities or shortcomings motivate us to change our partners. 

Do you remember when you first met your partner? How you just thought it couldn’t get any better than this!

Prior to meeting your partner, they went through life; shaping their beliefs, creating a value system and certain circumstances (good & bad) influenced their decision making and the way they do things. If they are with you today, all those things “chose you”. Now why on earth, would we want to change our partner?

Change is required where relationship goals need to be achieved. With every effort of value put towards that relationship goal, a sacrifice will indefinitely be the foremost cost. But a small cost in comparison to the outcome of your goals. Apart from that, let our partners grow, learn & flourish. If they are paying attention & thinking through this life, life has a way of being the best teacher.

Let’s be honest… we have all tried changing our partners and failed horribly.

So here is a question!

If you could back into the past; what would you change? But if you choose to change something at the risk of losing your partner; would you?

Leave changing the past to Hollywood while you live in the present!

PS: While I was writing today’s blog I was listening to “La Belle Mixtape – Time Travel”. Coincidence? Nonetheless, worth a listen. Lae Belle – Time Travel

run FATTY run

to be fat or not to be fat…

Look at him run. Just look at him go! All that running effort and it looks like he is standing still. Oh look… he came last… again.

Yip that was me.

Since I can remember, I was the short little fat kid that competed with last place in any and every race. Last to be chosen for a team sport. Always the ugly friend of the good looking boy at school. Even when I played spin the bottle; somehow that damn bottle would miss me everytime and I couldn’t get a kiss from the hottest girl in school.

What a life!

Thankfully that little fat kid has run 3 x 90 km Ultra Marathons and completed a Ironman and still runs for the joy of it… and got to kiss many many HOT girls. Seems like the fat just fell off me since then?

Ever picked up a pair of spandex, held them high and say to yourself… this my only friend at the moment? Whether you have not, it would be assumed that the other 99% of your wardrobe is currently your enemy.  This is large in part to none of your clothes fitting (we have all been there) and hence spandex steps in and fits like a hand in a glove.

A few days ago a girl asked me a question. If your wife had to pick up 20kgs, would you still want to be with her? This makes it the question all the more interesting because the girl is good looking, a health nut, never misses leg day and presents herself like a million dollars. All impressive!

Interesting question considering that 20kg weighs as much as a bag of dog food. Please know that the weight of dog food is not how I would make my decision!

So I slowly responded and said; your question is based on what society thinks of fat people. Not on the basis of values and morality. Of course she was visibly confused but then again who wouldn’t be. Society wants YES or NO answers. Society wants people to make decisions on the basis of personal looks. How they make you feel! How people stare at you when you have a HOT partner etc etc.

To calm her confusion, I said that being fat is not an issue of being HOT or NOT. It’s a matter of physical and mental health. Without a doubt, when people get into a relationship, we tend to get a little lazy because we are very cozy. I completely get that. However, becoming overweight because you are lazy is a health risk and will definitely place strain on your relationship.

The strangest thing is that just this past weekend my wife and I discussed the issue of weight. I explained to her that should we become overweight, ultimately our health is at risk. It’s got nothing to do with whether I want to still be with her or not. Physically, everything gets harder to do. Walking to the car, walking up stairs and even walking to make natures finest coffee in the morning. Because our physical bodies are taking so much strain, mentally, our brains become lazy too and we start lacking the motivation to do the normal everyday things.

All of this starts impacting the relationship. Woman naturally start avoiding friends and social gatherings. Summer becomes the worst time of year. Going to the beach is considered more like visiting nuclear disaster site. It just won’t happen. From a guys perspective, we just lean back and say: I invested a lot of money in this stomach. A stomach so big that we ask our friends if our zipper is up because we can’t see what’s happening down there.

I would assume (research according to a knee jerk response) that 60% of people never wake up and go: “Yay, today I’m going to eat kale, raw spinach, celery and lick the dew off the leaf of a avocado tree and tomorrow I’ll have lost 5 kgs” Nope, most of the time people make the change because of health scares and sometimes it’s to late.

My wife wouldn’t pick up 20kgs is the correct response. My wife chooses to be a blessing to me and her family through healthy decisions made daily. She considers her health as a priority and understands that poor health decisions become a burden on our relationship… short and long term.

Now we know.

It’s all about healthy decisions and not about being HOT or NOT! Spandex should be your friend in health… not because of health scares.

So just get out there and run FATTY run. And laugh about it! Always laugh!

PS: no one was fat shamed or poked with a stick during the writing of this blog

 

I ruined my marriage…

What is in a name?

There is a story doing the rounds, not sure how true it is, but it has an incredible moral lesson in it for us all. Let me tell it with less accuracy and more drama & humour. I’ll be sure to keep the moral compass flying high.

When Alexander the Great ruled, he was feared among nations. One day, when he was not conquering the known world and driving fear into his neighbours, he was in his castle resting. By resting, he had a drinking problem (this is fact) and probably kicking back on the couch watching Netflix – Love Island. While he just got into the series, he was interrupted by one of his guards. His guards walked into this lounge (picture that if you will) with a sentry in hand, who was caught sleeping while on the job. The sentry was thrown to the floor and visibly shaken from what his fate may be. Alexander the Great was known as a man for little time when it comes to excuses and failure.

With anger, Alexander the Great asked his guard why he would dare interrupt him watching season 1 episode 3 of Love Island? The guard responded with fear and great apology that his sentry was found sleeping at his post, while he was responsible for guarding the castle. After picking up the remote and pressing pause to ensure he missed nothing, Alexander the Great turned his attention to a man on the floor, stood up and never came close to towering over him. This is largely due to Alexander the Great being shorter than your average man (this is fact). He leaned over and asked the sentry; what is your name? The sentry with a fear filled tone answered, my name is Alexander. Your name is what? The sentry replied again, my name is Alexander. The other Alexander, the Great one was filled with rage and picked the sentry off the floor, stood him to his feet and yelled out… either change your name or change your conduct!

What is in a name?

Why do certain names have importance, while others get lost in history?

Why should people care about your name?

What in the world do names, Alexander the Great and a weeping soldier have to do with this?

Your name is linked to everything you say, think and do i.e. your behaviour & character or as Alexander the Great put it… your conduct! Hence, the “importance” is tied to some names, and “lost in history” for others.

Men with an ounce of ambition, walk through life with the purpose of leaving a legacy. This is a good thing. Legacy is broken down into various categories but you get the just of it. All of this is pointless, if you have achieved eternal riches, mega mansions, drive the fastest car’s, have the hottest blondes or brunettes as wives etc… but lost your soul along the way i.e. lost your name i.e. behaviour and character along the way!

Inheriting the world is a fool’s goal. Seek to inherit your partners heart and trust in your lifetime. Start there and the rest generally falls into place.

Be a leader of your relationship, day in and day out. Guide, nurture and make changes for the empowerment of both parties. Never give up developing good long lasting character, and behaviour that your name will live in the annals of history. Even if you are just remembered on a Facebook or twitter post for being the most incredible “NAME” someone had the blessing of spending time with.

Your name is important. Live up to it regardless of the challenge!

In conclusion, it is not as easy as it sounds, but living up to your name on a daily basis is easier than this one sentence. I ruined my marriage because I did not live up to my name!

Further watching on leadership:

Want to sound like a leader? Start by saying your name right by Laura Sicola

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02EJ1IdC6tE