All of us has gotten ourselves into a situation that deservedly required a scolding from a friend or loved one.
For guys its generally coming home at an ungodly hour, looking unsightly at that same time while placing the blame on their best mate. At this point, woman have erupted & gone supernova with a raging temper, taking off with new heights; making a Mars landing seem possible.
For girls, it generally (but not always) leans towards spending money on a item of clothing or shoes with the justification that the R2000 spent was all on sale. Men at this point, are left breathless with confusion as how many pairs of shoes can a woman wear? Right now all of us are smiling because we have all done this at one stage or another.
The response from our partners would generally be a negative to say the least. Both men & women tend to highlight the obvious wrongful behaviour and slowly start character assassinating their partners. This would carry on for the reminder of the day; screaming & shouting and lip syncing the most horrible words to the person we say we love. Once both parties reconnect, so much was said, that neither of them remember what the argument was about, while the damage remains.
And that… is why being right can make you wrong!
Let me explain…
Fundamentally, people forget that the only things we can take responsibility for is: 1) for what we say, 2) and for what we do. Far too often I hear people say; “yeah but they made me do so and so” or “because he/she said that, what else could I respond with”. These responses seem plausible but utterly misguided and have ruined many relationships.
Consider this… a sober person was arguing with a drunk. Who is the fool?
When we as humans start considering more about how we speak to one another than how we deliver a justified message, the world will be a better place. Far too often partners are justified in their message but they make themselves wrong through the delivery of that same message!
Is it really necessary to state the obvious through screaming and shouting and then we character assassinate our partners when they are wrong? Of course it isn’t! But then why do we keep doing it? Our partners are just as prone to mistakes as ourselves. Making a mistake for anyone is hard enough, so why keep piling on the pressure? Im not saying to gloss over your partner’s poor behaviour, but don’t be a “dick” about it!
I live by the value of forgiveness. When anyone, regardless of fault, says “I am sorry”, I forgive them. It releases me from any anger & helps them back onto their feet to try again. Basically, reaching out a hand to help them get up, while touching their hearts to keep standing!
Next time our partners let us down, be kind in word, be sensitive in the tone and remember the purpose is to lift them up afterwards! The delivery of the message is always more important than how justified the message you is to you!